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Was I really raised by a narcissist? Most people shy away from even asking this question: it feels shameful not to praise the people who, in name, helped you get to adulthood. But in reality, our parents are human, and it’s ok to acknowledge their flaws — as, in the case of narcissistic parents, they have no issue acknowledging ours. An alarming number of adults struggle to escape an unhealthy childhood’s effects. Reddit’s r/RaisedByNarcissists is growing by over 10,000 users
Nowadays, we see trauma as a potential response to any kind of event that overwhelms our internal and/or external resources to cope–even momentarily. In an age where stressors are at all-time highs and our coping abilities are at all-time lows, trauma applies to our society on a much broader scale than ever before. Ranging from mass pandemic trauma to a modern understanding of microtrauma, we’ve all got to adjust our view of what “counts.” What kinds of trauma exist? And
It’s good that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But what about when things stay in Vagus? What about when trauma gets stuck in your body?
It’s common knowledge, at this point, that “the mind and body are connected.” We’ve heard “the body keeps the score,” “the body bears the burden,” and “the body says no.” But for as much as it’s called out, we don’t always internalize what the link between emotional trauma and the body actually means. This means that we don’t always identify the impact of trauma on our physical wellbeing–or how to remedy it. How emotional trauma impacts the body It’s tempting to
“Big T” or “little t,” trauma is defined by its impact on our beliefs and behaviors. So what about the “tiny t” events and patterns we experience, that create lasting emotional effects nonetheless? These events (and our unintentional responses to them) can be referred to as microtrauma.
Childhood experiences affect adult lives, especially in terms of how we socialize. That much is borne out by research on “attachment style,” which is determined by the ways in which your parent(s) interacted with you. So how does your childhood attachment style influence patterns in your life today, and how can you break those patterns? When we think about childhood trauma, we may feel the temptation to say to ourselves: “But, that happened so long ago. What does that have
The continued influence of trauma after-the-fact is real, because the phenomenon of mental time travel is real. So if you’re trying to heal from trauma, have some compassion for the task you’re attempting. It’s not your fault that the past bleeds so easily into the present. There is a part of the brain that is heavily associated with “mental time travel,” called the default mode network or DMN. In people who experience chronic post-traumatic stress symptoms, this part of the
Over 30,000 people search Google about EFT or tapping therapy every month. What does tapping have to do with trauma, and how can you use this self-soothing technique to feel safe and calm in-the-moment?
When you feel like you shouldn’t feel the way you do, it becomes impossible to heal. Your experience is your experience–dismissing it only keeps you from finding the right solutions. So when the people around you guilt, shame, or invalidate you for being impacted by trauma, it becomes even more important to validate yourself. Validate yourself when others dismiss your trauma, so that you can develop trust in your gut and move forward according to how you really feel. 1.
You know that shivery, calm, addictive feeling you get when someone plays with your hair, traces your arm, or gives you a massage? The concept behind ASMR videos is that, mysteriously, you can get a similar feeling remotely, by watching and listening to someone else experiencing it. This phenomenon can be leveraged to soothe trauma-related symptoms. And we may have mirror neurons to thank. Mirror neurons activate when you witness an experience that someone else is having–allowing you to feel,